5 April 2020

Sunday · Day 10 of lockdown

Gauteng province still had the highest number of cases in South Africa. UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson was admitted to hospital for Covid-19. Kobe Bryant, the basketball player who died in a helicopter crash in January of 2020, was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame. While Melania Trump was tweeting about the value of wearing masks to combat the spread of the coronavirus, President Donald Trump stated that he would only wear one if he ‘thought it was important’. Italy recorded its lowest Covid-19 death rate in two weeks.

The weather has been really gloomy today which has made me feel quite demotivated. I feel like I am in a constant battle between wanting to be aware and up to date with what is going on, but at the same time wanting to completely distance myself from it all and to retreat into my own little world where I can forget what is actually happening. It feels lonely removing oneself from reality, but being part of it is kind of scary.

* * *

As a student, a big part of my life is socialising. While I am smart and capable of excelling at university, for me it is more important to make human connections. You cannot go through life alone, regardless of the amount of knowledge that you have.

As it is quite likely that lockdown is not only going to last for these three weeks, I’ve realised a big chunk of my university period is going to be scrapped. This leaves me thinking about all the people I am not going to meet and all the opportunities that I will miss.

And I am not the only one. The whole country is in the same boat as me. The opportunity cost of lockdown is immeasurable. I am still sitting here wondering if this is the right choice in the long run.

It definitely makes sense currently. A lockdown is needed to flatten the curve and to get protective equipment into place so that our healthcare workers are. However, once we have managed to achieve this, I think it would be wise to start opening the economy.

* * *

We happened to be sitting around our outdoor table, basking up the sunlight, while a chicken-potjie was brewing over the fire. My younger cousins and brothers were swimming and bouncing about on the trampoline. Us adults were having a fully-fledged (and highly competitive) game of 30 seconds. Not quite the scene one would expect during a global pandemic.

* * *

I saw a Zapiro comic today commenting on the fact that, since the lockdown, the South African police have killed eight more people than the actual virus itself (N.W.A. music intensifies). I found it weird that this shocked me. Maybe I have been turning a blind eye to the news, but I should not be so naïve to assume that crime stops because society does. I also read a tweet predicting that Home Affairs is going to be drowning in paperwork when this lockdown is done because of an exponential rise in the divorce rate as a result of people having been quarantined with their partner.

On more personal news, I learnt Morse Code today. It was simpler than I expected. […] Hoorah for me, if I am ever captured by ISIS, I can blink something in the propaganda videos they produce.

* * *

Day ten of the national lockdown. Today I woke up and felt differently to how I have felt on the other days. I felt discouraged and without hope. I examined the statistics online and saw no hope for the next few months. I do not know how the world will recover from this … people are dying all over the world; the economy is in shambles; my father’s pension that he has worked so hard for over the years has decreased by 30%. […] At dinner I could see the pain in his eyes, but he was keeping it together to look strong in front of his family. Today has been an eye opener for me and, emotionally, the worst day of the lockdown.

* * *

I celebrated my birthday today. I am twenty … twenty! It is at least good to know that I shall not be dying soon. I don’t feel death creeping up on me yet, and I have not been out of the house. I have not chatted to anyone on social media. It feels sort of good to not feel pressured to please people.

* * *

Today has been the first sunny day in quite some time and I am so grateful for it. Every day seems to melt into the next, making it increasingly challenging to distinguish them. The South African statistics seem to be staying the same and I think that is more worrying than seeing large numbers. At least then we would have been closer to knowing the truth. I also think that the peace and quiet we see around us (in my neighbourhood) is deceptive and a far cry from the actual current situation in the country. Over the news there have been some reports of violent encounters between the police and the public, but no major cases have come to the forefront yet.

* * *

At the end of February, my boyfriend’s parents went on a work-related trip to Italy, Spain and Germany. They arrived in Europe without any problems but left ridden with disease. After returning to South Africa, they immediately went into self-isolation. Tests revealed them both to be positive for Covid-19. […] Luckily both are still feeling well and showing barely any symptoms, but they admitted to having sleepless nights worrying that things might change for the worse. […] Realising that I know two vulnerable people infected with the virus has changed my perspective.

* * *

I haven’t written for a few days, but there has been absolutely nothing to report. I’m starting to really miss varsity life. I miss physically walking from one class to another, I miss grabbing coffee with my friends, I miss being surrounded by people, I miss the walk to campus and the mountains around me. I’ve read a lot of posts lately that basically says if you’re privileged, you don’t get to be sad about this. You don’t get to miss your normal, privileged life when there are people currently locked in their houses with abusers or with ten other people living right next to them. At the risk of sounding extremely selfish – I disagree. This pandemic has changed every single person’s life, and whether we are locked down in luxury or in less-than that, every person deserves some time to be sad, to miss their old life. However, I do think that with this privilege comes an obligation to not rub your privilege in others’ faces; an obligation to be humble about what you have and an obligation to be sensitive to the situations of others.

* * *

A distant family member of mine has tested positive for Covid-19. I haven’t had any contact with her or anyone that has visited her. She is in hospital now, although we do not know for sure what condition she is in. This news has made me realise that anyone can be affected by this virus. I knew it was spreading in South Africa, but it didn’t feel real until today. We often take our own health for granted.